Don’t Settle in 2018!

I hope in 2018 you don’t settle for someone who confuses you about the way he feels.

I hope you don’t fall for someone who leads you on.

I hope this year you let go on people you might love and adore but realise they are never going to give you what you want.

I hope you say goodbye and actually mean it and walk away without looking back.

I hope you don’t invest your time and energy into someone who plays plays games with you.

I hope in 2018 you aren’t sitting with your phone in your hand trying to decode things because he is liking your posts and viewing your stories but ignoring your texts, or opening your snaps and not responding.

I hope in 2018, you only keep people who want to talk to you and let go off the rest.

I hope you start putting yourself first and do what you want unapologetically.

I hope this year you stop falling for people who love you only because you love them, and thats it!

The ones your friends don’t like and you swear you see something.

I hope you fall for someone who loves you and shows it every second day.

I hope you go on real dates that you’ll remember for the rest of your life.

I hope you live moments you’ll cherish forever.

I hope you find someone who does everything to make you feel special, sends you flowers when you least expect them because he knows how much they mean to you.

I hope you fall for someone who opens the door for young pulls out your chair and is the gentleman you’ve always dreamed of.

I hope 2018 is the year you heal and really move on.

I hope you learn to let go of the ghosts of your past and the almost love that haunts you..

I hope you choose to walk away from the people who come back to you saying sorry, because the right people don’t make the mistake of hurting you, to begin with.

I hope you don’t fall for someone who keeps telling you all the things you want to hear but doesn’t follow with their actions.

I hope you find a relationship that is something more than sex and making out.

I hope you find a relationship that satisfies you both emotionally and physically.

Not just one. Not just the other.

Not just someone who is using you just because they are hurt.

I hope you realise 2018 is the year you need real emotions and don’t have the time for superficial talks.

I hope you ask for what you want, unapologetically.

I hope in 2018, you find the strength to make away when something doesn’t meet your expectations.

I hope you learn that someone not liking you is a reflection of them and it doesn’t mean you lack something.

I hope 2018 is the year you realise what you deserve and don’t stop till you get it.

I hope this is the year you realise asking for things and not getting them doesn’t mean you need to change the question but change the person you’re asking.

I hope you don’t get fooled by a wolf in a sheep’s clothing. and charming words from boys who don’t mean a word.

I hope this year you stop accepting excuses and start holding people accountable for their actions.

I hope you stop giving people the benefit of doubt.

I hope this year you stop going out of your way for people who don’t deserve it.

I hope you realise some people aren’t just worth the effort.

I hope you meet someone who not only meets you half way but goes above and beyond what you expected.

I hope you meet someone who continues to surprise you.

Someone who makes you happy and would do anything to see you smile.

I hope this year you can bring someone to meet our friends and family without the fear of having to explain why. he suddenly faded out or what happened because you don’t know…

I hope 2018 is the year you find a love that stays.

A love that makes you stay at home with them rather than party with clubs.

I hope you don’t have an answer to who loves you more, your best friends or your boyfriend.

I hope 2018 is the happiest you’ve ever been.

I hope 2018 is the year you realise you only live once and not be afraid to get that damn fairytale that you want!

To the 15 years old me. (Part I)

Dear 15 year old me, give yourself to a man like this.

Don’t just give your heart freely.

Place it gently on the tender hands of a man who will accept every part there is to you. A person who will see past your imperfections to the point where they are blurred and no longer visible and simply accepted.

Give your heart to a man who will love you within your momentary intervals of ugliness, when you’ve done or said things you probably shouldn’t have.

Give it to a man who will forgive your mistakes without any ounce of hesitation or judgement.

Don’t give your  heart to any guy, give it to someone who reaches out for your hand during a prolonged moment of silence, just to remind you they’re still by your side  and always will be.

Give your heart to a man who pulls you closer after a fight instead of pushing you away. Give it to a man who doesn’t make you doubt yourself or causes you to feel guilty for something you did not do.  Give your heart to someone who shall comfort you throughout periods of insecurity, when you’re inadequate or lost. Someone who continuously reminds you of your worth, especially when you’re not feeling the most confident,

Give your heart to someone who is your best friend before anything else.

Give your heart to a man who would never cause you to feel inferior in your relationship, because he shall do everything in his power to make you feel everything opposite. Give it to a man who shows genuine interest in your passions ans supports you in every aspect. Give it to a man who goes the extra mile to cheer you up when you’ve had a crappy day.

Give your heart to a man who has the strength to stop you from walking out the door, convincing you not to leave his side. Someone who shall  run after you because the very thought you not being there with him is not possible for him. Give your heart to a man who consoles you whenever you cry, instead of standing in the doorway, silently watching as tears stream down your face. Give your heart to a man who won’t string you along and make you wait months to officiate your relationship. Because when you meet someone who is special as you are, he shall want to make you hid before someone else comes along and steals you away.

Give your heart to a man who will make you a priority instead of an option. A man who shall always be by your side, no matter the distance, the miles between you. Someone who isn’t bothered by the enlarged pimple on your face. Give your heart to a man who will love you when size 6 doesn’t fit and tiny wrinkles begin developing within your expression. Give it to someone who understands you love for chessy and not so chessy things. Give your heart to someone who you can blabber with and talk about anything under the sky.

Give your heart to someone who asks you if something is wrong and doesn’t just keep silent for the sake of not starting an argument. Give it to a man who takes responsibility for his actions and apologizes when he’s done something wrong. Someone who doesn’t allow an argument to overshadow you relationship or keep score. Give it to the man who shows up at your doorstep just to hug you. Give it to man who finds time for you when he’s out with his friends even to send one text rather then waiting until the end of evening.  Give your heart to someone who won’t ever take your heart for granted and reminds you how he feels every day.

Give your heart to a man who will safeguard  it with his life. Don’t just give your heart to anyone. Find someone spectacular.

Find your magic and then never let that go.

 

There is nothing like the best friend kind of love.

The love between friends can be sparked in a second, a spark that is not based upon perfect eyes or a crooked smile, but on simply laughing at something at the exact same moment or catching each other’s eye and knowing the same thought is running through your heads. Love between friends may only take a day and within that same week, you are sending ugly pictures and insulting each other and pouring your heart out over a bottle of rose΄.

From the get-go, you can be authentically yourself and there is something liberating and beautiful about that.

To click with someone who shares the same values as you, who becomes your biggest fan in a matter of days and wants to get to know you- all of you, even the scary, unattractive parts and will equally give parts of themselves back. You don’t have to force a friendship, you don’t have to worry if they just want to get in your knickers or will get jealous and disappear if you make other friends, or talk to other friends, or like a friend’s selfie on Facebook.

You can binge watch chick-flicks without being told the plot is lame, and eat a medium sized pizza each, while downing a bottle of wine and not feel an ounce of judgement – in fact, you’ll be judged if you don’t finish!

You don’t have to feel gross on your bloated stomach days, you can lift up your shirts and compare them and laugh with each other. You can turn to them when you are feeling the P.M.S emotions creeping up on you and vent to them about the same thing over and over again without being told you are obsessing.

You can be brutally honest with each other and tell them things you know they don’t want to hear because they need to hear it. You can tell them if their outfit isn’t on point or that their behaviour has been a bit shitty without them not talking to you for days. You can fight with them, say things in the heat of the moment and know that you’ll sort it out; you’ll be okay because your friendship is stronger than that. You can cool off  just after a few seconds and come back together and admit you are wrong without pride getting in the way or worrying you are going to break up.

You can survive distance because you know that texts and Skype are enough to sustain your friendship and you don’t have to be jealous of them spending time with other women while you’re not there; in fact, you encourage it because you don’t want them to be alone and you know you will always be their number one. And some days, your conversation will exist only of memes or facebook posts but you’ll both know exactly what the other is trying to say.

Other days, you don’t have to say anything at all, you can sense the storm raging inside their head and know that all they need is for you to wrap your arms around them and keep them steady.

Your person will encourage the parts of you, you’re afraid to  shine, they will pick up the pieces when you feel your world is falling apart and they will be the one cheering you on, pouring you another shot and taking photos of you while you’re bent over the toilet throwing up… but only to show you the next day so you can both laugh at what a top night it was, even if you promise to never get that drunk again and then do exactly that.

Love with a best friend is like falling in love with yourself.

It’s finding someone who gets the unedited, unfiltered, push-up bra, spanx free, bare faced version of you within a week, sometimes just a day and cherishes it, loves it, wants it for their rest of their life, no matter what.

From friends to family and even more..

To my tribe of humans,

Hi.
I love you.
And I won’t ever stop saying it. No matter how much it bugs you, this overdose of mush that I am.

And I know you secretly smile each time when I tell you what you mean to me.
I know how you equally appreciate our shared silences.  And the memories we have are just so many..

Untamed, wild, pure and free.

Here we are, years later, looking at the stars from your window and talking about everything under the sky.

How did it happen? How did it all start?
Because you  should know, you longer fit in the “friends” bill.
You have slid easily and deeply into the “soul tribe” one.
You have become “existence essentials.”

You are family.

And what a ride we’ve had, huh? From those early days when we were just learning how each other’s thoughts to now, when we no longer voice them out but know they are understood. From the time when we recognized each other’s soul to now, when we bask in each other’s presence. From when we would worry about fights to now, when we yell and scream only to hug it out in the end.

We’ve come a long way, loves. We’ve come to embracing each other’s dark as we celebrated our light. We’ve come to know how our fingers our shaped and how warm our ears get when we blush. We’ve come to know the way we smell as we lay down, side by side, on the bed and have reruns of our favorite movies. We’ve come to sense each other’s emotions like the incoming of our very own.

There are days when we can’t stand each other but to imagine a life without you’ll is like sinking into a void I’d never want to come out of. There are days when I just want to punch out all your teeth and tell you how much you annoy me, but I can’t imagine a moment when I don’t get to hug the hell out of your atoms.

Do you see? Do you see how every single day with you is a day I’d mark on the calendar because my loves, family is family.

We all have stories we shall never talk about..

Sometimes no one can see the truth except the person carrying it, living with it, going to sleep with it, tangled to it in bed, limb to limb.

The breakdowns in the showers that turn to long baths aren’t seen by anyone, neither are the immobile moments spent on the cold floor because it hurts too much to move because you keep thinking, doing so will finally be the act that makes you shatter.

It’s only behind closed doors that you cling on to your bed under the sheets and you keep thinking, “I don’t have to justify myself, my emotions are mine.” It’s only the silence surrounding you that makes you realize that even the absence of sound can be so deafening, so drowning.

Sometimes no one can see this because sometimes saddens, the gravity drowning your heart along with a million other things, comes in short skirts and burgundy lips in heels, walking from bar to bar, with a vodka water in hand, downing a tequila shot. Sometimes she wakes up even when she doesn’t wish to open her eyes up to the sun. Sometimes she wakes up with bouncy hair, a smile, a laugh so loud it resonates. Sometimes sorrow comes in the most beautiful, colorful and beguiling of disguises.

Because sometimes all we want to do is buy a ticket and jump on a train to destination anywhere, with a stop that leads to a place other than where this heaviness is, where you don’t have to think about what hurts you and face it everyday.

So we shave our legs, and do our hair, and we paint our faces literally and figuratively, even though doing so takes up all the remaining energy inside of our bodies, even though it hurts our heavy bones.

Sometimes coping just comes in forms of pretending. So we stop ignoring the ringing of our phones, make plans  and talk to  friends who have no idea of anything, hit the streets and let the city lights course through our veins.

We fall back into old habits – bad habits – with way too much ease. We’re thirsty, high and drunk on the act, we’ve got chatty mouths, hungry hands, and a fake light in our eyes. We begin to tear ourselves apart, yet again, in different ways only to let this heaviness out of our heart.

No, sadness isn’t always lying around crying, it rarely is, it also isn’t always curling up in a fetal position, numb and still, letting each hour dwindle away like petals on dandelions. Sometimes heavy hearts is what you wouldn’t expect, sometimes it’s moving too fast, baring too many teeth, it’s the loudest of laughs. Sometimes it comes with hands in the air, taking a joy ride out with the cool wind sweeping carefree hair.

It isn’t always painted in dark colors, it isn’t always out on the surface or visible to the naked eye. Sometimes it’s splattered in colors brighter than you could imagine, hidden beneath layers and layers of skin. Sometimes it’s holding hands with those you’d least expect on a bench or at the train station, waiting for the train to destination Anywhere.

This heaviness is the story no one talks about, this is the story that you won’t talk about ever… perhaps…

We women are colorful people!

I am the flickering flame threatened with the chance of a rain. The trembling hands after worry paid a visit. I am the lose of breaths after panicking. The heavy tears that travel their way past my exhausted eyes.

I am the steps I have taken, the scars I wear.

The unexpected news that attacks the faintest of hearts.

But.

I am a flower blooming from between the sidewalk crack.
The unforeseeable sunlight coming out to play after a thunderous rain.
I am the electrifying words falling off the tip of a poised pen.
The welcoming waves that continue to kiss the shore we walk along.

I am a riveting page turner just waiting to be devoured by curious minds.
The breeze that dances with the leaves of the highest tree.

I am the anchor that keeps my ship afloat.
The road map to my heart’s deepest desires.

I am radiating absolute beauty,
the kind of beauty that is imperfect but still leaves you breathless for more.

I am fierce as the lightning striking our earth’s surface.
The mold of all who came before.
I am woman, and you’ll hear me roar.

 

I’m Learning To Be Still….

Nothing stays the same; nothing is constant – This is something I’ve  come to discover in this 20 year journey.

Although obviously, I knew it, I just kept fighting my way through.

I have always wanted to make sense of what is happening around me, I want to know where I am headed, and see beyond the present. I want to go and go and go and rush and take everything in, taste it, spin it around my mind till it makes me dizzy.

But something I am learning is to slow down.

Something I am learning is to be still.

I am learning to quiet the rushing thoughts in my head, I am learning to close my eyes and breath deeply, smell the earth, the sky, the hint of flowery perfume, the cotton of clean clothes,  the sweet sticky fruits fallen on the road.

I am learning to let life happen – to me and around me – and smile even through the storm. I am learning you cannot always have answers held in the palm of your hand or written somewhere on a sheet of paper, ready to be pulled out from your pocket and read when life seems to strays from its path.

I am learning something you know will drastically change, and you will only exhaust yourself trying to keep up, trying to run when you’re only meant to walk, trying to make people love you when they’re meant to be set free.

I am learning to be still.

I am learning to close my eyes and slow things down and make a moment stay, instead of letting it go too quickly  into a faded memory. I am learning to relish the present, to hold onto it as long as I can.

I’m learning that I cannot rush—my decisions, God’s plans, or the feelings written on someone else’s heart. I do not have control of this; I must trust, let go, and let life play out.

I am a character in the movie, not a director, not the one who can rewrite the script or know what’s coming, no matter how hard I try to. And I am learning to trust in this.

I’m learning to stand on solid ground and quit fighting the natural course of events, quit being so damn stubborn when what I think should happen doesn’t, or when what does doesn’t match up with my pre-written plan in the slightest.

I’m learning that stillness doesn’t mean a perfect life, but it does give me peace. And I’m learning that when I stop running wild, stop letting myself be pulled in three different directions, stop thinking I have to know everything—I am in-tune with the people around me, stronger in my faith, and more focused on the people and things that really matter.

I’m learning that when I am still I am not static, but strong. I am prepared. I am whole and have regained my sense of self. I’m learning that when I am still, I am not looking at what’s to come, but celebrating what is, and ready for whatever God has planned for me next.

I am learning that life is even more beautiful when I stop trying to have the answers, when I stop trying to write my own path, when I stop trying to continually be something, be somewhere, and instead just be.

I’m learning to be still.

Independent vs Dependent

I aspire to be a strong woman.

I want to be someone who is capable and confident, poised and proud, tough and resilient, physically and mentally able to fight through any difficult task put in front of her.

Most days, I feel like this woman—powerful and determined, loving and stubborn. But sometimes I put too much faith in my own two feet instead of my God.

I have constant battling thoughts in my head : independent vs. dependent on God. When I think about the things I’ve gone through, the way I’ve fought to become the woman I’ve become, I am proud. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished and how I found strength in my body and voice. But then I think about my faith. I think about my God. I think about all the ways He’s strengthened me, given me confidence and the ability to fight. I think about how, because of Him, I have been able to stand after falling down, been able to rise after slipping, been able to push forward after taking so many steps backwards.

I’m stubborn. And I want to take pride in who I am. I want to fend for myself and fight my demons alone. But even if I was the strongest woman in the world, I can’t. I still need my God to help me fight through.

And sometimes that’s hard for me.

I think about the way God has built me and other strong women—stubborn and flawed and resilient and passionate.

And I don’t think He made a mistake.

See, there has to be a balance. As women, there has to be independence and strength within our own feet and hands and brains and bodies. But there has to be a dependence on God.

Yes, you can be a strong woman who loves the Lord. You can be a woman who is dignified, who is faithful, who honors her spouse/boyfriend/authority/superior but also lets her own voice be heard.

You can be a woman who respects others, but also respects and puts herself first sometimes. You can be a woman who is powerful, who is bold, who stands up for her rights and the rights of her sex, but with a soul that shines with Christ’s love.

You don’t have to compromise your faith to be a strong woman; you don’t have to lessen your strength to be a woman of faith.

I think that God made strong women the way we are—a mix, a mess, bodies in conflict—but as He wanted us to be. Sure, sometimes we’re going to test Him. Sometimes we’re going to make the wrong decisions. Sometimes we’ll start to rely on ourselves more than Him.

But our strength is a part of His creation, and I don’t think us strong women need to deny ourselves of that.

You can be strong and love God. You can fight to be who you are and for what you believe in, while still honoring Him as your savior. You can be sometimes stubborn and sassy and too much and a little fierce, but someone who is all those things for God and for others, not just for herself.

You can’t hide or hold back the woman God intended you to be.

Yes, you can be a strong woman.

The strongest, most passionate people make the biggest impact. So keep shining your light and raising your voice with God’s blessing. You have nothing to be ashamed about.

And you are loved, just as you are.

Yes, you can love the Lord.

I am a Woman, Both Soft And Strong

I am woman. I give my hand and a tender heart, open hears and a body that always beckons others in, let them rest against the bed of my chest. I am arms that spread and fold over tired souls, bring them comfort and love. I am solace. I am safety. I am soft.

I smile at people – strangers and friends alike. I’ve grown up believing on the idea that the world is beautiful and that even with the terror, the pain, the brokenness –  there is hope. And I cling to that. I hold it tight between my fingertips, even when the sun falls behind the closed clouds and sharp words roll off tongues.

I am a woman. I am soft. I hold my heart out in my palm and let others touch the warm surface. I listen with my eyes closed and let stories wash over my skin like rain. I speak my emotions to life, I let them run wild like horses through an open field. I do not fear or hold back.

I am soft. I’ve learned to love like I am malleable because love does not stay still and stiff. I try to be gentle and kind,fill my heart with the spirit of patience. I trust because I don’t know how not to. I care because to feign indifference makes my chest ache.

I don’t know how to love with less, how to be cold and distant, how to hold others in an arm’s length. I am a woman with a big heart – I am soft and not afraid to love.

 

But I am also strong.

My body is fluid dancing to the rhythm of the songs on the radio, humming in the light of the sun. My laughter flirts with the wind ; my voice gets lost in the clouds.

My heart is powerful, a deep beat quickening with every measurable step, pumping faster as I pursue all that I believe in and care for.

I love wildly, but not naively. I care passionately, yet always purposely. I am soft but also strong.

I do not let myself be taken advantage of. I take determined steps and stand my ground. I raise my voice and use my head just as much as my heart. when it comes to a crossroad, I take my time – not because I am scared or weak, but because every decision I make is calculated and thought through.

Because I am capable of choosing, of believing, of being my own person, every single day.

I am a woman. I am stubborn and wild. I am tender and compassionate. I am all things bold, but also gentle. I am both loud and quiet, light and dark.

I do not fit into a box. I am not easily labelled, not always understood. Sometimes, I am a little too much, but sometimes I want to be more.

But I will not be stepped upon. I will not be silenced. I will not be told that my body, my mind, my spirit is a little  too loud or my heart is a little too open or closed.

When someone asks, I will not need to explain hoe I love, how I fight, how I live, how I continue to become the woman I am and always will be.

I will simply say, ” I am a woman, both soft and strong”.

And I will let them wonder in my wake.

 

 

Everyone has their share of bollywood…

We’re here to laugh at the odds, and live our lives so well that death trembles to take us.

As notorious as they looked, their souls were as innocent.

But in that notorious face they had a smile which could melt hearts. When they smiled, even time would stop.

Time would stop and embrace the moment, the joy and aura, their smile and laughter would create magic.

In their fights, they would exchange words, no one but they would understand.

They would have their share of chuckles and giggles in all serious moments, too.

They would drive each other insane in all the right and not the right ways.

When distance came to part them, fate conquered distance and brought them together ; surprising the two!

It wasn’t a surprise planned by either of them, but destined by fate.

How weird it is, all this time and even now after all this, they didn’t know what fate was? What was their fate? What was their fate together? All they knew was perhaps, they wanted each other more than anything else.

There was a saying inSRK’s flim, Om Shanti Om, ‘Aagar kisi cheese ko puri chiddaat se chao toh usee pane ke liya sari kainaat bhi lag jati hai’

Maybe it was actions given to SRK’s words.

Maybe it was actions given to their feelings.

But whatever it was, it was truly beautiful and they spread sheer joy in each other’s lives.

They had found their home in each other.

They were best friends and had found their soul mates in their best friends.